I have had several people ask me “where are you coming from?” when they read some of the stuff I have put in the magazines or on this site. I am always a little uncomfortable with giving an answer, because any time any of us uses a label, it appeals to our prejudices and we prematurely decide whether we are inclined to be open or closed to their ideas. I hope that by the time most people read this they will have already read some other ones and decided for themselves.
These articles come from as deep within me as I can honestly reach. They are stories and experiences from my life so far, along with my thoughts at this time. And, since I have been wrong before, my opinions are now exactly right. (Come on, guys, I’m kidding!)
Some would still call me an evangelical Christian, and some an “emergent”, or “post-evangelical.” I don’t really care either way. I am definitely a Jesus guy, and I believe the fact that he loves me is the best thing I have going for me. I believe most of the stuff evangelicals believe, but not in a way that wants to divide people into camps to play silly games of who’s right and who’s wrong and who’s spiritual and who isn’t. Most of all, I really wonder how in spit we have taken what was meant to be good news for everybody and changed it into something so narrow and so boring!
I have spent much of my life studying the Bible and Christian literature. I have an earned doctorate from an unaccredited fundamentalist seminary. Most of it was a colossal waste of time, but I made a very good Pharisee. I learned the art of setting a high standard which nobody could live up to, and the even finer art of pretending that I lived up to that standard! When I found out that God was all about honesty rather than image, it was a bad day at my house! Be ye warned: The real Jesus can and will mess up your “ministry” in a heartbeat!
But I just couldn’t chuck it all. Many of the things about being a Christian are too deep and too real for me to throw away just because so many of us screw it up.
Shoot, I still even go to church, though sometimes we miss the point of what church is about. We all need His “amazing grace”, because even on our best days we are a mixed-up mess - fallen, prejudiced, sinful, hypocritical, and easily led astray. But the good news is that grace is always there.
At one time or another, all of us have had our little world fall apart and leave us staring into the mud and the blood and wondering what happened. I have been there and done that, and I am even now wearing the tee shirt. I have tumbled off of every pedestal, suffered many wounds, and caused others to be wounded. (Sometimes I have done all three before breakfast!) But I also believe that there is One who was never surprised at my foolishness, and has never stopped loving me, for reasons that only He knows. I will always try in these articles to point that out, in the most non-religious way that I can.
Sounding “non-religious” and being non-religious is very big with me. I have some friends and family members who pray and try to have a spiritual life, but because of previous wounds (religious people are often very mean!) they just absolutely can not and will not do church. I understand that and sympathize with them. Somebody in church even today told me that some people in his family never come to church but that my articles serve as a link between them and God. Then he said something that scared me, when he said that it might be the only link they had. I hope and pray that is not true, because I could mess them up bad.
Any time I come in to a church service, and certainly any time I write something or say something in public I always try to put myself in the shoes of the un-churched, non-religious, beat-up and burned- out masses of people who are turned off of pious cliches and self-righteous crap.
Back when I was a Pharismentalist I had most of the answers about God and about life. Now I don’t know nearly as much. I have more doubts, more questions, and less confidence in my ability to figure it out. But through it all, He looks bigger to me than before.
Brennan Manning says that he has had “some glorious defeats and some devastating victories”. Man oh man, so have I. Some of my great successes make me want to throw up. But when I look back at my sorrows and failures, I realize that I was being drawn, kicking and screaming, into the arms of unconditional love.
Bottom line is I am a sinner saved by grace alone, and I really want to be real. I pray that something I do will help somebody along the way.
Grace Writer © 2007