I want to share with you some thoughts that have come to my mind during a time of personal crisis which includes the necessary confronting of my own mortality.
[Please don’t misunderstand. The latest word is that I will probably be “fine.”]
Like most of us, I prefer to be able to lolligag through life, deceiving myself into believing that I am not only in control of things, but also am immortal, indispensible, and invincible. Facing the truth that I am actually helpless, disposable, and either slowly or quickly dying (as we all are) is not a “fun thing” to do. But it is the beginning of an honest journey into reality, authenticity, and deeper spiritual truth. Though we never welcome “bad news”, it can indeed be a wake-up call to lead us to a life of greater joyfulness and peace.
Upon first hearing the reports from the doctors, I wrote this to some friends:
“Nothing ticks me off more than for people to spout phrases about God as if they never have to wrestle with their faith or their knowledge of God and His plans. Maybe I’m just jealous, but the quick-simple-easy way of Christianity doesn’t relate to me any more. I think that I must always carry with me a lot of angst in order for it to be real.
“I want whatever profession of faith that I have to have been tried in the fire and found to be true and authentic. I don’t want a soft sentimental version of Christianity which denies the very real presence of fear and doubt. Maybe I am making this harder on myself and on God too. But it’s the miracle I am asking for. A miracle of healing would be wonderful, but another acceptable option would be a genuine encounter with the One who I really believe has come through this thing called death and came out alive!
“I know that I am in the grip of grace, regardless. I just don’t want to waste this time without really hearing something (from God).”
One thing that quickly happened was a huge increase in intensity and sensitivity to the people who came into my life. There were fewer meaningless events. Several times a day I ran into someone who needed me, or someone whom I needed. Nothing was a coincidence. I wrote, “this time has been a reminder for me to take nothing for granted, to cherish each day, to intently seek to discern a sovereign hand in every encounter with others, and to be grateful for every relationship.”
There were many times when I would wake up at night in a panic. There was one time when the panic gripped me and stayed for hours. It was really horrible. During those times, the only real cure was a dose of “reality therapy.” I had to remind myself that if I died tonight I should have no complaint. There are so many stories of people who were better than I am, and they died from wars, storms, car wrecks, or many other calamities or diseases, without having nearly the number of years that I have had. God has been more than fair to me. I found that a submissive and grateful spirit will replace the feeling of panic and fearfulness.
Soon I began to receive reports that a lot of people were remembering me in prayer. I cannot describe how much that meant to me! I was SO comforted and encouraged by this! Now, to be honest, I don’t have the foggiest about how prayer works. I don’t believe in a God who changes his mind because a certain number of people ask him to. And I know there are some times when situations and people get better, and many times when they don’t. How and why I cannot say. But for some strange reason, I was delighted to know that people were praying, and I felt that it was so important! I asked them to please continue.
One other thing that is obvious is that this life, right now, is very precious. The opportunity to be with other human beings and to enjoy their company is a great gift. We may talk a lot about a home in heaven, and I believe it’s really real, and even bigger and better than the preachers have said! But given the choice, let me stay right here as long as I can!
I was reluctant to write about this because I don’t want this to be about me. What each of you is going through is as important as anything that happens to me. I only want to share with you the thoughts and lessons which I am learning at this time, in the hope that you will think about them and perhaps benefit from them.
Let me remind myself, as I also remind you. The Allstate commercial is right, whether or not you buy their insurance. We’re in good hands.
For a long time, when I was trying so hard to be a good and godly person, I was taught that this world is an evil place, that I should separate myself from it and not let it influence me. I was taught that “worldliness” was a bad thing. Don’t listen to their music, don’t go to their movies, don’t let down your guard around the people of the world, lest ye get caught up in their way of thinking. There are still millions of people being taught to be suspicious of the world outside if they don’t totally agree with it and control it.
Gradually, and gratefully, I have come to believe differently concerning “the world”. I will admit that this is not very well organized, but these are just some of the things that at one time I was afraid to even think, but now I am not afraid to say. So here goes:
All truth is God’s truth, wherever it may be found. If God can speak through a donkey, as has happened at least once, He can and often does speak great spiritual truth through a person who doesn’t have his or her life together. All people are created in the divine image, and though we are flawed and sinful, we still are the objects of His love. God always has delighted in bypassing the most qualified and speaking to and through the most unworthy. If you meet a person who has an alcohol problem, or is homeless, or is in prison, or struggles with addictive behavior– listen to the cry of their heart, their desire to be free. You will likely learn something you will never hear from the typical pulpit. You will learn non-judgemental compassion. You will see humility and authenticity. In their faces you will see the face of Christ.
There is a line in the old hymn “Am I a soldier of the cross” that asks a rhetorical question “is this vile world a friend to grace, to help me on to God?” Well, friends, I know the answer is supposed to be “no”, but it CAN be yes! I have come to believe that the message and ministry of Christ is not about just staying away from the world until someday when we will be called out of it. We are to be bringing the kingdom of God into the place where we are, making it a better place to live, helping the sick and hungry and suffering, in this life, now! How sad that we have diluted this great gospel of the kingdom into “just be saved and ready to go to heaven when you die”. It is so much more than that.
There is grace all around us, if we will just look for it. Take for example, dogs. I am a huge dog-lover. If my wife would let me, I would have twenty of them. I believe that it is no accident that “dog” is “God” spelled backwards. When you are really down, nothing is more comforting than a sweet old dog who wags his tail and just wants to be with you. They give us their all in return for scraps. If a man wants to find out who is his most loyal friend in the world, try this experiment: take your wife and your dog, and lock them in the trunk of your car. Come back an hour later, and see which one is glad to see you!
Sometimes a little messenger of grace comes right to our doorstep, totally by surprise. A few months ago my wife put up a decorative bird house right beside our back door. A little wren didn’t know that it was a decoration, and has now moved in and nested. Soon there will be a complete new feathered family on our porch! The bird house hangs just five feet off the ground, but I look at it like the wren “trusted us” that we would not hurt or bother her or her new babies. And she was right. There is not enough money in the world to make me harm those little birds! It appears that a little creature who hardly weighs an ounce has helped me to find some grace even in my own heart.
If you watch the news channels on television, or listen to talk radio, you can get the impression that the world is full of crooks and murderers, that everywhere there are protests and arguments and fights, bombings and shootings and violence. I know that these things happen, and we should take them seriously, be careful, and work to try to stop it. But if you turn off the TV and go to the park, or to the beach, or to a yard sale or a concert or a coffee shop, you will find that most of this world is full of beauty and honor and friendly peace-loving people.
Yes, you can say this world is evil, and separate yourself and hide from it so that you will not be contaminated. But the greatest teacher who ever lived said that the problem is not really on the outside.
I close with these words from a Louie Armstrong song:
I see trees of green, red roses too; I see them bloom for me and for you
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
I see skies of blue and clouds of white; the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying how do you do.They’re really saying I love you.
I hear babies crying, I watch them grow; they’ll learn much more than I’ll never know
And I think to myself what a wonderful world.
Yes I think to myself what a wonderful world.
Oh yeah!
It was the week of Easter, this year. My wife expressed to me that she would like for us to go to an Easter “sunrise service” to be held at the bay, at a time scheduled for a half hour before dawn. I said, “okay, sure!” not really believing that she would follow through with it. Much to my surprise, she woke me up at five o’clock, having made coffee and reminding me that we needed to get ready so we could be there early. About an hour later we arrived with our lawn chairs, joining about two hundred other sleepy-eyed people as we sat beside the bay in the cold and the dark.
There were prayers in the dark, songs in the dark, and very beautiful music by a small choir. Some people were dressed in nice dresses or suits, and some of us were much more casual. As the people gathered, I sat in my lawn chair and wondered what would possess so many of us to gather here at six a.m., and what did we expect to see?
The service was very traditional, and it didn’t take long before I realized that I would probably not hear or see anything that I had not seen hundreds of times before. Then ( please pardon this terrible pun! ) it dawned on me! Really, just at the first glimpse of dawn, I began to understand that it doesn’t always have to be new, it doesn’t always have to be entertaining, it doesn’t have to be the latest modern idea that’s going around. In fact, there is something really special about the stability and the routine of the good news of the “old- old story.” The fact was that we had gathered together in the cold of the early morning simply to honor our firmly held belief in resurrection, in life beyond the grave, our belief that there was a man who was more than just a man, who really died and was really buried and who really got up and walked again!
As the light began to spread over the dark bay, the words of the minister seemed to take on a vitality and an importance that elicited a quiet but deep joyfulness from within me. The message was beautiful to me, because it had now fallen upon a receptive soul who rejoiced in its simple but powerful truth.
A wonderful thing happened then, just as the glow from the sun was beginning to change the appearance of all of our surroundings. As if beckoned by a divine presence, a mixture of birds- of gulls and sandpipers and geese and ducks and pelicans- all began to fly toward the sunlight, singing and honking and quacking and chirping and calling with whatever sounds they were created to make! The minister continued his sermon, but it seemed that all nature had joined in to share in the presentation of a message of hope restored - that not only Easter, but every sunrise shouts to us that morning has come , that darkness has vanished and the light is now here, that the mistakes and hurts of yesterday are behind us, that the opportunity to live a new day has been given to us all! The sea birds, as well as the sparrows and robins and cardinals and finches, all sing the song of a fresh beginning, of a renewed hope, of a bright future. This universal message is echoed throughout nature at sunrise every day! And those of us who took the time to be there were privileged to join in the celebration.
Soon the service was over, and I carried our lawn chairs back to the car. People loaded up and left. We went back to our busy lives, to face the pressures and labors of what sometimes has been called a “rat race.” But the birds stayed behind, singing and honking, quacking and chirping , long after we all had driven away.
I don’t think we give enough credit to the birds. Maybe being “bird-brained” is not as dumb as we once thought. They seemed to greet the new day with exhuberant joyfulness, and they will do it again tomorrow morning, and every morning to come until their feathered wings can no longer fly, and their tiny throats can no longer emit a sound.
Once He said, “behold the fowls of the air.” Early last Easter morning I think I saw a little more of what He was talking about.
I don’t plan to set my alarm for five o’clock every morning to watch the sunrise at the bay. But I will not wait until next Easter before I go again.