We grow up under a lot of pressure. Every child and every adult wants to be in a place where we are accepted as we are without having to measure up, without having to perform well, without that nagging feeling that we’re not good enough, and that horrible fear of being rejected.
I remember walking the long way home to avoid having to greet somebody whom I feared would criticize the way I said “hello”. I remember being totally infatuated with a girl, but being so petrified with shyness and fear that I couldn’t dial her phone number.
It was a gradual process of growing that helped me to realize that everybody was NOT looking at me, but instead they shared the same fears that I had. While I worried what they thought about me, they were worried about what I thought of them. But of course I wasn’t thinking of them at all… just as they weren’t thinking of me.
I don’t believe that we ever totally get over our self-conscious fears, but we find places and people in our lives where we can feel that we are really welcome and wanted just as we are. Like a warm fireplace on a cold winter night, it is so very good to find such places and such people!
But please be aware that there are others who need the warmth of our fire. Wherever we go, there will be people who desperately need what we can give if we will just open our eyes, take the time, and make the effort. It doesn’t matter whether we have money or talents, we can take a moment to validate someone, just to acknowledge their presence, just to give them a smile, or better yet, an encouraging word.
My brother Danny related to me recently how that a small compliment to an eighty year old lady made her countenance to just glow! She had obviously taken a lot of time to be made up and attired to look her best, and the fact that Danny noticed (and said something!) just “made her day”.
I confess that I am not very good at this, but I am learning to be more conscious of it. The kid bagging groceries, the cashier, the precious little children going to school, so scared that they won’t fit in– they all could benefit from a little friendly acknowledgement. And particularly the ones who DON’T fit in, because for some reason they aren’t among the “cool”- they are dying, just dying - for lack of at least a kind word from somebody!
It reminds me of something another brother of mine (Joe) told me recently. He had gone to school with a boy that most people considered “fat”, and though my brother was not a close friend of his during school, at least he was nice to him and didn’t call him names. Joe related to me that fifteen years later he happened to see him at a movie theatre, and this young man was just thrilled to see Joe, and acted as if they had been long-lost close friends! Here it was fifteen years after graduation and Joe suddenly realized that this person had probably NEVER had many other friends. Just treating him with a little bit of kindness had put Joe on a pathetically short list.
Somewhere right now there is a little child, or a teenager, or a housewife, or a working man, or a senior citizen, who is fighting back the tears that come from rejection. They think that nobody understands and nobody cares. Before the day is over you will meet that person and not even know it.
I promise myself that TODAY I will try to make somebody feel better because of a kind word or a sincere compliment from me! Please do the same. Somebody out there needs it so badly, they may still remember you in fifteen years.
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