Things were going smoothly for the most part as I approached the weekend, but all of that changed on a Sunday night when my brother Jeff called saying that our youngest brother Joe had been found off the side of the road, lying unconscious and bleeding in a ditch, underneath his motorcycle. They had taken him to a hospital emergency room. Jeff’s words devastated me as he related, “They aren’t able to wake him up.”
My immediate reaction was emotional and sorrowful. Falling onto the floor and burying my face into a recliner, I wailed loudly, cried bitterly, and prayed with all the strength I had. I remember being so overwhelmed that I was oblivious to my surroundings and uninhibited in showing my sorrow. My brother Joe is one of my favorite human beings, and I was not prepared to lose him.
Before the next week was over my elderly mother was hospitalized, my sweet black lab “Maggie” was hit by a car, I had caught a bad cold, and my taxes were due. You’ve heard that “when it rains, it pours”, and that was the case with me. It didn’t take long for my situation to go from “pretty good” to “really bad”.
We all face stressful times. Many times we come face to face with our own helplessness. If I’m going to have problems, I would like to have them scheduled to arrive one at a time, with breaks in between. So far it has not worked out that way. But concerning pain and problems, I think that I have gained some insight over the years. I hope that when you go through hard times you will remember some of them.
One thing is that our demand to know “why” something has happened is part of the problem. Plan and pray for a smooth road in life all you want, but it’s not always going to happen. Looking for somebody to blame, demanding a solution or an explanation, it’s all a symptom of our own arrogance. The book of Job makes it clear. There is only one who understands and controls it all, and He doesn’t usually ask for my advice! He has gently reminded me that I’m not in management; I can only assist in the advertising department, and I don’t do too well in that!
Another arrogant attitude is the sensational but shallow idea that a strong faith will get an immediate miraculous answer. Whatever they may show you on television, folks, the real God cannot be manipulated and doesn’t want us to be. The strongest faith is that which continues to trust, in spite of having no answers yet.
When somebody is going through hard times, please spare the clichés and poems and even the Bible verses. They sound phony and hollow to the hurting soul. Henri Nouwen says that trying to “fix” somebody instead of spending time suffering with them is a cruel form of rejection.
We all have a natural human tendency to run away from pain and heartbreak. We hate it. We can prevent some pain if we behave wisely, but hurts and sorrows will come to all of us. They are just a part of life in this world. Roses have thorns, bees have stingers, bugs bite, ants spoil your picnic, and birds eat your berries and then drop stuff on your head.
God doesn’t always cooperate in our quest for an easy and comfortable existence, because He knows that hidden in the darkness and the pain from which we run, we will find Him to be more real to us than ever before. This is one of the great truths of life- that maturity and strength come as a result of adversity. Some call it “the school of hard knocks.” For some of us it’s the only school where we really learn.
I don’t want this to sound trite. Sometimes the problems are overwhelming. When it gets so bad that you don’t think you can stand it, I hope that you will give yourself permission to be human. It’s okay to cry out in protest, to complain, and even to get mad at God for a while. He can take it, and doesn’t get angry when our sincere human emotions are being expressed. Sometimes “cussin’ and spittin” is just part of being genuinely vulnerable. He is into earthy honesty, not pious pretense.
In conclusion I am so thankful to report that Joe woke up and is recovering! Mom is home and doing well, and Maggie is fine except for a broken foot! I am okay, and the taxes are done, too. Sometimes we DO get the good breaks and the happy endings! When we don’t, well, something is being built that takes a little longer.
The finished product will be worth the wait.
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