It was toward the beginning of last year and I had been invited to speak at a banquet. At the time, I had been going through a very stressful situation and it was taking a heavy toll on my emotions. I felt that I had been betrayed, personally attacked, and greatly misrepresented. For more than two weeks, each day had been worse than the one before. It had gotten to the point that I couldn’t sleep. Now here I was, expected to speak to this crowd a message of humor, entertainment, and inspiration.
On the way to the banquet hall, several people greeted me with “How are you doing?” and I automatically said that I was fine. After I was introduced, I stood in front of the people with no idea what to do next. For a moment, I tried to handle it like a trained monkey performing on cue. I made the attempt to be cool and “professional”, rather than to be transparent and vulnerable. With a big forced smile, I thanked them for inviting me and said the old cliché that I was “happy to be here tonight.” But the pain was too much, and within one minute I released some of my true feelings.
“I know that I am supposed to stand up here like someone who has it all together, but I don’t! I don’t have many answers at all, just a lot of doubts and unanswered questions. I am confused, angry, frustrated and exhausted! Right now I am just praying that I can hold it together without bursting into tears! Tonight somebody asked me how I was doing, and I said ‘fine’. It was a lie— I’m NOT doing fine at all. To be honest, I am hurting so bad I can’t stand it!”
The people in the audience gasped for a moment. I felt that I had greatly disappointed them, until I saw their faces looking at me with smiles of sympathy, understanding and compassion. They listened carefully to my words, nodded in agreement, and gently encouraged me with interjections like “that’s right”, “you’re telling the truth, man”, and “amen”. After I finished, they gave me hugs and words of appreciation for my “honesty”. Tears were in their eyes and mine. Some of the people there that night have become my friends. Some prayed for me, and a few even shared their own personal problems because they felt that I would understand. Undoubtedly, rather than my ministering to them, these people ministered to me.
We really need to be aware of the fact that many people around us have overwhelming pain in their lives right now. It might be him, it might be her, it might be you, it might be me. But we have become experts at hiding it when we shouldn’t. Somebody asks “how are you doing?” and we usually answer that we are “fine”, “great”, or “wonderful”. Sometimes it is a cover-up, a gloss-over, a lie.
Now I am not suggesting that we dump all of our troubles onto everyone who greets us with “how are you?”, but I do believe that when it hurts so bad, we should open up to somebody who cares.
Usually, when prayers are answered, God does not just drop something from the sky. Most prayers are answered by the fact that He puts PEOPLE in the right place at the right time to do the right thing. But we can miss it if we polish our phony smiles and pretend that we are fine when we are not.
Not every time, but some time, if someone asks how I am, I want to look into their eyes and see if perhaps they really care. Then also, some time when I ask “how are you doing?” I hope someone will look at me to see if I care. I hope they will find me to be concerned, compassionate, and non-judgmental.
When a hurting person meets a caring person, he should tell the truth. That’s how we find the answers to our prayers. So, really………how are you doing?
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